Saturday, September 20, 2008

Sister Cities

I have a solution to the War on Terror.

There are not many things you can count on as immutable in life, but, with very few exceptions, people will act in their own self interests.

So, if I were President/King/Dear Leader/whatever, I would choose an emissary. If I were Bush, Condi Rice would do, if I were McCain, I could not WAIT to send SarahCuda (more on that later), and if I were Obama, I would pray for a pair, and ask Hillary to do the job.

She, (notice that they are all female, and that is by design) would travel on Air Force Two to to all the global hot spots - Riyadh, Tehran, Cairo, Islamabad, Pyongyang, etc. to meet very briefly with the local despot/mullah/Prez4Life/whatever, and recite the following verbiage:

"We the people of the United States are the dearest of friends to your country. We wish for the very best of fortune, not only for your citizens, but especially your leaders. In fact, we want to assure your prosperity by linking your fate with ours, so that you too can share in all of the wonderful things that happen in the United States. So, we are going to implement what we call the "Sister Cities Plan."

At that point, she reaches into her briefcase and pulls out a list of paired cities, and presents it to the PooBah. It will read something like this:

Washington D.C. - Mecca
NYC - Medina
London - Riyadh
Los Angeles - Tehran
Paris - Cairo
Chicago - Moscow
Houston - Islamabad
Berlin - Karachi
Sydney - Pyongyang
Tel Aviv - Mecca AND Tehran AND Damascus
San Francisco - Some deserted oasis in the Sahara

and so on. You get the idea.

She then continues:

"As our cities prosper, so will yours. However, should anything on the scale of a 9/11 attack happen in one of the Western cities on this list, there will be a whole bunch of Bad JuJu come raining down on the sister city."

Then, without saying another word, she reaches into her jacket, pulls out a sheet of paper with a picture on it. It is a picture of an Ohio class SSBN. After having assured that the Poobah and any of his advisers present see the photo, she folds it up, puts it back into her jacket, spins on her heel, and leaves the room without another word.

This is where the Sarah part gets good. The very last thing she does is stop, turn back to the Poobah, and blow him a kiss. :-)

THAT would be the icing on the cake. Islam is a culture that is all about face, and male dominance. Can you imagine the Poobahs in question having to take this from a woman? In the presence of their closest confidantes? One of Sarah's aides would have to get that on video. :-)

So, the policy of the Western World would no longer be the prevention of terror attacks, but retribution for them. The PooBahs know who the the terrorists are - the attendance rolls at the madrassas are available to them, and they will not be constrained by all the niceties of the rule of law that we are. If they want to be able to make a pilgrimage to Mecca without wearing a lead-lined jebellah, anti-terrorism is their new favorite hobby. They will muzzle the mullahs calling for Death to the West and Holy Jihad.

They will not be able to stop attacks by individuals and small groups, but attacks from dirty weapons and the like are simply not possible without state support. The small stuff we can live with.

An added benefit of this is a built in early warning system of an attack. If, for example, all the Saudi princes leave Riyadh at the same time, London is about to get hammered. Of course, the bad guys could game this, but we could state that evacuating all the important folks from any city of interest will be considered as tantamount to an attack.

Many have wondered just how we have been able to avoid another 9/11 for so long now. I'm not convinced that Bush has not already communicated something like the Sister Cities Program to Dar al-Islam. It seems more likely than our intelligence and law enforcement agencies suddenly becoming several more orders of magnitude competent than history would predict.

Some will protest that this policy is entirely too barbaric. I do not agree and here is why.

I know my people.

If a nuke goes off in a major Western city, the gloves will come off. It will not matter who is sitting in the White House. Pacifists that currently are preaching unicorns and pony rides in the May sunshine will be storming the White House with pitchforks and torches demanding vengeance. Muslims, tens of thousands of them, perhaps millions, will die.

That much is certain.

Another certainty is that we cannot play defense forever. Sooner or later, some mad mullah will be able to slide one past the goalies. The only viable solution is to permanently remove their will to conduct such an attack.

But, "they don't care about their people, or even themselves," you say. True enough. But they care about the Kaaba, and the Hajj. Holding them hostage is the most humanitarian of our options.


Donald Douglas said...

I love Palin!

Keep it up over here!

Steel Turman said...

Oh man.

That would fry brains in the Middle East and that takes some doing.